The Royle Wiki
"Don't give it to him, we'll never see the bugger again!"

Original Broadcast:

16 October 2000

Written by:

Caroline Aherne, Craig Cash

Baby is the first episode of series three of The Royle Family. This series involves the birth of Denise and Dave's son Baby David.{C


Jim is admiring himself in the mirror after a haircut and he goes and sits down in his chair, then the doorbell rings and Denise and Dave enter with Baby David and he is handed straight to Jim who starts to play with him, then Barbara greets him and hands her to Denise who does the same and is given to Dave to put back in his chair. They discuss him going to University and he starts to cry and Dave hands him to Denise to feed.

Then the door starts to open and Jim warns Denise about leaving her breast out and she argues that it is just nature and Jim compares it with 'having a crap'. Antony and Darren come in and he is bombarded with questions from Barbara. They then go and share some sausage and mash and practise their Ali-G impressions.

Back in the living room, Baby David does a fart and Dave has to change him and he passes him to Denise to make sure. Then Dave gets stuck in and reveals Denise's really lazy side and when she is questioned when she will start changing the nappies she vows never to, then Dave sings to him and puts him back in his chair.

Barbara tries to guess the size of Dave when he was a baby, Dave discusses the plans for his farmyard and the anniversary of the dog committing suicide and Antony and Darren bring the drinks in and Darren is offered a hold of Baby David but he declines. Barbara then questions them always being together once they leave and this makes Jim wonder if they are gay. Then Jim tries to take Dave down the pub for a drink but he is stopped by Denise, but his plan backfires when he is stopped by Barbara.

Then Denise and Dave head home to watch the football and they are about to walk out the door when Barbara reminds them that they have forgotton Baby David and this sparks a reaction from Jim.