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Bills, Bills, Bills
Bills bills bills.jpg
"You wanna talk to Jim? Yeah he's doing nowt!"

Original Broadcast:

14 September 1998

Written by:

Caroline Aherne, Craig Cash, Henry Normal,

Bills, Bills, Bills is the first episode of The Royle Family.


The episode opens with Denise painting her toenails and Jim reviewing the latest phone bill and is shocked with the charge, sparking the first My Arse!

Jim continually questions his family members on who has been phoning Aberdeen, while Mary pops in to congratulate Barbara on her new career working in the Bakery which sparks yet another My Arse from Jim denying her career and Barbara then gets Mary to test her on the prices and Denise once she is gone. Then the subkect goes onto the Wedding Cake and the first mention of Dave's Dad who is on a disability allowance and doesn't have to pay for the wedding, sparking outrage in Jim.

Then Antony comes home asking for his Tea and Jim questions him on who he knows in Aberdeen, on bringing his tea in, Jim asks him to go and turn the light off in the kitchen, revealing his "I'm not made of money" side.

Then Cheryl comes in and Denise goes to see her and they browse through the catalogue looking and men boxer and such while on the subject of the wedding, Anthony comes in making a brew and they make fun of him, he is about to sit down when Jim asks him to go and answer the door and heads through to see Denise not before Dave questions him on who he knows in Aberdeen.

The door rings again and it is Twiggy who is selling some jeans and persuades Jim to try a pair on and starts the long running tradition. He also has some Arabic Wash & Go which Cheryl buys. Jim comes back in wearing the jeans and gets made fun of and he states that he is keeping them.

Then they get back to watching the telly and Jim takes the mick of people on the telly. Barbara then gets Antony to go down the shop and get some cigarettes.

A conversation brings up Beverley Macker who was Dave's previous Girlfriend and Dave does a silent fart which sparks a lot of fuss. The phone then rings and it is Nana and no one wants to talk to her except Denise and Barbara, she phones to tell Barbara that her coupon of 20p wasn't accepted because it was a day out of date.

Denise and Dave then head off down the pub and before she leaves Denise winds Jim up by pretending she has a friend from Aberdeen. Barbara heads up to have a bath and Jim gets up in front of the mirror to test out his new Jeans by pulling out imaginery guns from their holsters.