The Royle Wiki
"I wasn't speaking ill of the dead, I was speaking about you, the living bloody dead...!"

Original Broadcast:

6 November 2000

Written by:

Caroline Aherne, Craig Cash

Funeral is the fourth episode of series three of The Royle Famil


Nana is grieving in Barbara's arms about the passing of her friend Elsie and Jim comes in and switches on the telly. She then asks for a brandy (for medicinal reasons) and drinks it down in one go, much to the disamusement of Jim. She also brags about her rummaging through Elsie's drawers and fridge and quotes all the stuff she took as perishable things, but Jim calls her a vulture when she mentions taking six bottles of Guinness. Dave comes down the stairs after putting Baby David down and going on the toilet.

The doorbell rings and Denise and Cheryl enter, both wearing pink jackets and say sorry to Nana for her loss. Jim is also gobsmacked when Nana announces that she will be back there later to look in some more drawers. Baby David starts to cry and the room is silent for a few minutes until Cheryl offers to go up and Nana blows her nose, causing a discusted face from Jim. Then Jim gets annoyed when Cheryl didn't hand out any fudge and Denise confesses that Cheryl ate it all on the way home. Norma then asks Dave to take her but he asks her to wait until after the program and she goes for another brandy and Dave discusses his ever failing farmyard.

Antony comes in and says sorry to Nana about losing her friend and Jim mimicks her words. Barbara announces that she won't be doing anyone's dinner which causes outrage, but she quickly calms everyone when she announces that they are having a chippy and they get very excited when saying what they want.

The Emmerdale theme tune comes on and everyone sings along, once it is over Jim turns it over, sparking outrage from Norma, saying it was Elsie's favourite and Jim starts to slag Norma off over her and while Denise tries to defend her, Jim tells her that her feathers are horrible and Dave agrees with him. Then Jim puts on a sly smile when Norma reminds the family that she is the only elderly women living in the flats and when she asks for another brandy, Jim quotes her as 'the living dead' when Norma misreads him for speaking ill of the dead, shocking the family and she knocks back the brandy once again. Then the phone rings and everyone sits there and eventually Barbara picks it up and it's Antony calling from the chippy, informing Cheryl that there is no Diet Coke and she has a normal coke instead.

Then Jim goes up to the toilet, but not before announcing it. Meanwhile, Jim imitates Elsie on the baby monitor causing a big outburst of laughter from Norma.

My Arse![]

Bidet My Arse!

Best Friend My Arse!